There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
