i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
