It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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