i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
