Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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