Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
