real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
