Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well you can't waste a boner
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if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
MIDGETS
????
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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