I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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