Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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