Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
