is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
