just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
