i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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