oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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