I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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