areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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