is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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