well I can't set my house on fire every night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
