dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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