Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
