Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
