I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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