wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
