u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
