Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
