put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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