Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
