Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
