Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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