I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
