If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
