Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't want my vagina anymore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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