bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
