So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
