the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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