I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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