Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
