When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my poor anus
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
