i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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