the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize