So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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