i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was like eating out sand paper
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
