I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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