I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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