Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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