I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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