Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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