We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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