you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
