I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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