I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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