Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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