Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
