id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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