I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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