i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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