It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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