His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
