they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you had me at cake vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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