you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
