Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
