That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
