Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
