I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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