So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The Olympian is in my bed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
