Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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