Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
