I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
