Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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