Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
