You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
