if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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