Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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