He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
