ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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