Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
